The New, Improved, Fully Actualized Me

The New, Improved, Fully Actualized MeTwo months ago, while gnawing on a bratwurst, I suddenly realized that none of my friends had any respect for my intellect. Although I was highly regarded as a parent, a husband, a journalist and a leader in community recycling programs, I could no longer deny that my friends viewed me as a curmudgeonly old bore who never had anything original or interesting to say. This disturbed me to no end.That night I stayed up late to watch Arsenio. I must have drifted...